Some people make you feel like squeezing them until they do something bad to you.

I was on the train and I dared myself to sit next to this stranger two seats behind me and ask him what was playing on his ipod. I thought that it was a good dare because he looked like he could punch me good if he wanted to. I didnt do it because I am chicken shit, but the good thing is it made my hands grow cold and I found out that something like this could scare me because I am so limited.

Some blogs I read give me comforting feelings.

A nightmare I could have: I meet the writer of a blog I like. We meet at a bar or something, and then we talk about ourselves and things we like to eat. I excuse myself and go to the toilet. I look at the mirror in the toilet and say “Shit.” I want to ask the blog writer if he/she wants to sit at the nearest bus stop for fifteen minutes in complete silence. But I know he/she will look at me like I am a weird shithead. I want to slap the blog writer. I want to slap the blog writer and then run away saying “Shit. Shit.”

Future Story

An old man wants to masturbate with his feet in the sea. He stands in the shore with the waves up to his ankles and begins to unbuckle his pants. A little child runs up to him and says “Hey.” The old man says that he will give the child five dollars to go far far away. The child asks him what he is up to. The old man says that he is a scientist and that he needs to conduct a dangerous experiment so the child should go as far away as possible.

The child asks him if he knows any magic tricks since he is a scientist. The old man shows him a tattoo of a fish on his stomach and moves his stomach muscles so that it looks like the fish is swimming on his skin. The child runs away and says “Be careful old man.”

The old man is tired so he lies down. He touches the fish and it hurts where he is touching it.

I am sitting in his little office trying to find reasons not to go shopping.

a- its raining

b- i hate everyone today

c- i will figure out more in a minute.

When I was small I would fantasize about being crushed to death by my fathers books. That would teach him.

Future Story

A woman falls in love with a cactus plant. The cactus plant is a devout Catholic and insists that it will not touch her before they get married, so they plan a wedding in May. Every night before she goes to sleep she thinks about ways the cactus plant can fuck her without cutting her up. She wonders if there is a picture she can find on the internet to use as reference.

Ive never gone for proper therapy sessions. I was sent to “guidance counsellors” and some of my professors tried fixing me back in my scholastastic days. In my country, people who went to actual certified therapists were basically lepers without the leprosy. Depression was treated in the same vein as crazy. Nobody wanted to know you anymore if you were “getting help”, and of course you would bring GREAT SHAME upon your family so it just wasnt an option for me, this therapy thing. When I told my sister that I was probably crazy she asked me what I wanted to do about it. I didnt really know at that point in time, so we let the crazy fester.

Now its grown into an invisible limb that spoons me soup every morning til I choke and smile.

Future Story

A little girl gets too tired to walk to school, she gets tired of walking, period, so she sits down underneath a tree and starts eating her tuna sandwich. The sandwich doesnt have mayonnaise or pickles. She eats the sandwich and wishes she had bought two sandwiches because she is in the mood to eat things. A bird of indeterminate species flies over her head and drops shit on her shoulder. It feels very heavy on her, like someone had slapped her in the face.

I am buying a new chair from ebay. I want something that used to belong to someone and it should smell like coffee and shampoo. No one is selling that right now but my boyfriend found a cream leather chair from the netherlands. It is selling for 0.99 p.

I want to write honestly.

Future Story

A man hugs a statue in the middle of a town. He tells a girl passing by that it is his wife, that his wife is inside the statue. The girl tells him that he should call someone about it. Someone with an axe, with a big machine that can smash things. That will solve your problem, she said.

The girl works in a small office and writes things on a notepad everyday. Today she draws a picture of the statue and the hands of the statue are pointing to itself, like “why me?”.

I went through Facebook and found nothing that could keep me there. My friends do new things and everyday things and I think “youre still alive, and this is good. but I do not want to confirm this every five minutes. i still love you, forgive me.”

I am getting a new laptop next week and it is a Great Event.

Future Story

A father carves a hole in his daughters chest so that she can breathe underwater. She jumps into the sea and she waves goodbye. They do not make long speeches. He is moving to another town because of his job as a software engineer. He also plays the saxophone.

Sometimes he watches videos of the deep sea on Youtube and thinks of his daughter living there with sharks and stinging jellyfish. He pictures her punching the sharks on the nose because she is a tough cookie. He sees her swimming like a drunk motorist and shouting at whales to get out of her way.

He screams I love you! into the sink every night after he brushes his teeth.

constant sand.

exponential stray love.

we burn into bombs.

Future Story

A dead body is found under a bed. The dead body is happy to be found. Owner of said bed says “you must belong to someone”. They both nod. They play monopoly and bingo for awhile. A wife comes into the room and asks the dead body if it would like some pot noodle. “Only if its the spicy kind.” says the dead body.

I should give myself the middle finger.

Future Story

…

I could live a whole week with just a jar of peanut butter.

If we all had wings we wouldnt have global warming and shit like that. Thanks a lot God.

I need to go live in a cave somewhere and emerge full of enlightenment.

I finally wrote an email to estranged sibling and told him I loved him and that everything is okay. It felt good. I want to be nothing but forgiveness. I need to be nothing but forgiveness.

Future Story

A woman is waiting for her train to arrive. She is in a strange town for work purposes. She sees the back of her fathers head in the crowd. She calls out to him, “Dad!” but the back of her fathers head walks away.

She wants to run after him but her train is arriving soon. She cant miss this train because it will make her late for dinner with Roger- who is her fiancee.

If she is late, Roger, who is her fiancee would point out many unnerving things, such as ‘how did you know for sure it was your father, why didnt you just call him on his mobile phone, what would he be doing there in a strange town that you only visited for work purposes?

It would be too hard to explain to Roger that it was just her father and he was walking away.

I want to live on a boat one day and drift to wherever. I have to solve my sea-sick problems.

I had mushy peas for tea again today. As a child I hated peas, and whenever my mother included them in her dishes I would hate her a little bit and also feel like I was facing a mild sort of death sentence.

I am growing up, growing growing growing gone.

Future story

A woman eats her neighbors flowers everyday. They pretend not to notice, even though sometimes she forgets herself and stands in the middle of their garden in broad daylight with fistfuls of roses in her hands, inside her cheeks. One day they move away to Florida and this makes her feel very sad. She climbs up to the rooftop of her house and doesnt move for several days.

She finally comes down and finds hundreds of boxes with Florida postmarks. The boxes are filled with pictures of flowers. Behind the pictures there are words like “Wish you were here” and “missing you”. She eats the pictures, tearing them up into tiny strips and rolling them into little balls beforehand.